


Caught Up In Circles

by Misachan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Community: polybigbang, Multi, Polyamory, Season/Series 06, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 08:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/583132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misachan/pseuds/Misachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Lisa Braeden met an angel of the Lord. S6 AU (and a little bit of S5, too.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Art Masterpost](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/14121) by chosenfire28. 



> All of my thanks to aerilex and chosenfire28!

Lisa threw her duffel bag to the ground and kicked it under the row of molded plastic seats as she sat down. "'Come to the conference, Lisa,'" she said under her breath, mimicking her friend's Minnesota twang. "'It'll be fun, Lisa! All expenses included! Free trip to New Orleans!' What the hell is wrong with me?" She buried her face in her hands; Heather was one of her oldest and dearest friends, they'd known each other since freshman year of high school - which meant she'd had almost fifteen years to learn to never trust the woman to make arrangements for anything more complicated than a grocery run. Lisa hadn’t made it to a yoga conference since she was nineteen, once she had a baby to juggle along with school and work it had been one of the many things she no longer had time for, but she'd managed to convince her sister to babysit for a week while she took a vacation for the first time in ten years. And the road trip down _had_ been fun, a nice replay of the summer after graduation where she and six of her friends had piled into one car and driven all the way to California. And the conference itself was smaller than she'd expected but far from the worst three days she'd ever spent. 

The nights were another story. The "expenses included" wound up being a motel with no TV and linens that could best be described as crusty and the "free transportation" turned out to be bus tickets from a company she'd never heard of and even Google didn't seem to believe existed. She still jumped on the offer and left a day early, taking her chances with Mystery Bus Co. to avoid having to sleep in that room one more night. "I'm going to have to boil my clothes when I get home," she said, running one hand through her hair. 

For a company she'd never heard of the waiting room was packed; she shifted over as man traveling with what looked like everything he owned sat next to her, taking the last seat in the row, and she overheard two more people muttering how buses were already sold out as they stormed toward the door. Considering the line of people still hoping to get tickets Lisa supposed she should count herself as lucky.

She looked up at the schedule screen; at least she only had about twenty minutes to kill. She finished flipping through the lonely courtesy edition of _Time_ debating Dukakis' chances come November and slid it back into the rack, deciding that staring at the walls was probably a better use of her time. When someone began making a commotion at the ticket counter she was so thankful for the diversion she almost sent up a little prayer of thanks. 

Lisa leaned over to better hear; shame over eavesdropping was for other times and places. "Sir, I can only say so many times: that line is _sold out_. You have to come back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's too late." The woman was the same bored clerk she'd bought her ticket from but Lisa hadn't seen the man before, or at least she hadn't taken notice of him; he blended in with all the other dark suit wearing businessmen trying not to fall asleep before their bus was called. "I must get to Davenport, Iowa as soon as possible."

"And as I've said, as soon as possible means tomorrow morning at 5:30 AM. Now please buy something or get off the line---"

"The battle with Pestilence may already be raging, tomorrow's too late." People were starting to edge away now, the ones who weren't videoing everything on their phones. "I need to be there." He wasn't _raising_ his voice exactly, as if he thought that if he kept repeating what he wanted the clerk would eventually come around, but the rasp in his voice kept dipping lower and rougher the more agitated he got. He raked one hand through his hair and Lisa caught sight of what could only be a hospital bracelet; she saw the clerk notice it too and take an almost imperceptible step back. 

"Sir, I need you to calm down."

"I'll be calm once the walking avatar of filth and disease has been defeated." She felt a ripple go through the crowd, people whispering _crazy_ to the person next to them; the clerk made eye contact with the security guy lounging by the door and Lisa saw him start to push his way through the crowd toward the ticket counter. The man being targeted by all the whispers didn't seem to be hearing them; Lisa saw his shoulders slump as he braced one hand against the ticket counter. The clerk jumped back but to Lisa he just suddenly looked so tired he could barely stand. "Please," he said, and Lisa didn't think she'd ever heard that kind of despair in someone's voice in her life. "My friends are in danger. I...I have to be there with them. Please."

Lisa looked down at her ticket; Iowa and Indiana were opposite directions but from what she could tell until that midpoint exchange the bus would travel on the same line. 

Probably popular opinion was right and the guy was crazy; God knew she'd had her share of exciting encounters on public transportation over the years. She should mind her own business.

But at the same time, if she told people her son had once been replaced by a monstrous duplicate who'd almost sucked the life out of her people would think she was pretty crazy, too.

She stood up and pushed her way through the muttering crowd before she could talk herself out of what probably wasn't one of her better decisions. " _There_ you are!" she said, grabbing him by one arm and plastering her brightest, most guileless smile across her face. "Didn't you get my text?" She made quick eye contact with him and hoping he'd be quick enough on the uptake to play along, ignoring that teenager part of her brain whispering, _Wow, those are some blue eyes._

She couldn't have been more surprised at how quickly he caught on. "Lisa!" he said, those baby blues lighting up with delight and unmistakable recognition. "What are you doing here?"

Okay. She could work with that. "Remember? I said I would take care of the ticket?" His only answer was an uncomprehending blink but at least he didn't argue. She turned to the teller, forcing her smile broader and faker. "I'm sorry, our texts must have gotten crossed. He's a really nervous traveler." 

The teller just nodded in a vague, _just get him out of here_ way. Lisa was more than happy to oblige, half-pulling him through the crowd and keeping one nervous eye on the looming bouncer. The hipster kid who'd taken her vacated seat got up in a hurry when she used the _Move it, buddy_ glare she'd spent over a decade perfecting on Ben and she wasted no time pushing her new friend onto the bench. "Okay, just as a tip, it makes people nervous when the words 'avatar of filth' come up."

He was still looking at her like she'd erupted out of the ground. "How did you know to be here?"

"I'm just trying to get home." She crouched in front of him, trying to carve out as much privacy as she could. "You're a Hunter, aren't you." 

His head tilted to the hide like an inquisitive sparrow's. "Ah. Of course. I'd lost track of the date."

Which simultaneously didn't make sense and somehow confirmed she was right. "Here," she said, pressing the ticket into his hand. "If you are a hunter if sounds like you need this more than I do." His hand shook when he looked down and saw the ticket, to the point that she closed his fingers over the ticket so it wouldn't drop. "You'll have to make a different transfer at the exchange point for Iowa, but that should be ---"

"I understand. I spent most of the trip here studying the map."

"Yeah, well, I've taken a lot of buses in my lifetime and I still have trouble making heads or tails of those maps, so make sure you double check."

He nodded, those eyes of his still very wide. "But how will you get home?"

Lisa shrugged. "I can wait 'til morning. Go take out the avatar of filth."

"You're always very kind to me."

Lisa ran her tongue over her lips. "Have...have we met? You knew my name." Her pre-Ben years were full of more hazy hookups than she really cared to admit sometimes but she liked to think she would have remembered this one.

His head tilted again, almost like he was hearing a half of the conversation she couldn't. "I know you through Dean."

Lisa felt her stomach drop like a stone at the sound of that name, even though at the back of her mind was the thought _Of course. Of **course** it's about Dean._ "How much trouble is he in?"

"He and Sam intend to do battle against Pestilence in an attempt to prevent the Apocalypse." As if that made all the sense in the world. 

"Then you definitely need this ticket more than I do." She swallowed hard around the sudden knot in her throat. "Keep him safe."

"That's my every intention." He tipped his chin up, an exhausted phantom smile playing around his lips. "Why did you seem so surprised to hear Dean's name?"

"I...it's not that I'm surprised he managed to find himself in the middle of the _Apocalypse_ , it's just...." She let out a short breath, feeling heat spread over her cheeks. All these years later and Dean Winchester could still make her blush like a teenager. "I guess I'm surprised he talks about me," she admitted. Which was true; not only did he not seem the type, she knew that as many boys as she had in her rearview mirror Dean had more than his share of women loved and left.

"He dreams about you," her new friend said. Before she could properly process that he stood and cradled one hand against her jawline, staring at her with those amazing eyes. Lisa barely had time to think about how she'd always been such a sucker for a man with pretty eyes when he kissed her – and not just a kiss, a romance novel cover kiss, a bodies pressed together, lips parted, the ocean breeze in your hair and hear the music on the wind _kiss_. When he finally pulled back all she could do was stare for a few moments, a hazy part of her mind aware that she should be upset at someone she barely knew kissing her in a bus station while the rest of her just wanted to try for round two. "You told me to do that the next time I saw you."

"I did?" Which wasn't the most brilliant response, but Lisa really hoped she would have remembered saying _that_.

His expression clouded and he took a step back. "Wait. No, you said the next time _you_ saw _me_. That's why this wouldn't count." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It means I still owe you." He kissed her forehead. "Thank you."

Lisa heard a number called out over the garbled intercom. "I think that's your bus."

He nodded, stroking his thumb along the line of her jaw. "Thank you," he said again, seemingly at an absolute loss.

"Wait," she said, fishing a pair of nail scissors out of her purse. "Hospital bracelets make people almost as nervous as talking about the Apocalypse," she said, snipping the bracelet from his wrist and throwing it and the scissors back into her bag. "There. All set." 

The last call sounded and he rushed off to catch the bus; Lisa watched until she made sure to see him safely crushed into a window seat then she sank back into the seat. She took out her wallet and pulled a row of pictures out of the back pocket, one of those photo booth strips from the night she and Dean had met. They were still the only pictures she had of him, her putting on her best glamor face and him making goofy faces until she finally broke down and joined him in the last shot. They'd had their first kiss in that booth, and she didn't know what stories Dean told but she'd most definitely kissed him first. She'd gone through a dozen wallets in the decade since but that row of pictures always managed to find a new home.

Lisa realized she'd never asked Blue Eyes his name. She carefully put the pictures away, fighting down the cold fear she knew would be with her until either she was handed some good news or the world ended. 

She'd just have to ask Dean his name when she saw him again. Until she saw both of them. 

After all, apparently she was owed a kiss and tall, dark and trenchcoated didn't seem like the breaking promises type.


	2. Chapter 2

"Babe? I picked up those whole wheat rolls for dinner tonight. I know you don't like them but Ben needs to eat more..."

Lisa just barely managed to stifle the shriek when she walked into the living room and saw a trenchcoated figure perched on the edge of her coffee table, distracting her from the ongoing effort to trick Dean into eating something approaching healthy (the tipping point had come when she overheard him informing Ben that bacon and pie were two of the basic food groups and couldn't be sure he was kidding.) She put down the bag of groceries and edged around the sofa; Dean was fast asleep, his head propped up against the arm of the sofa and a half-empty glass of scotch making a ring on her coffee table. "Hello, Lisa," he said, those blue eyes not leaving Dean's face.

"Castiel," she answered, leaning against the arm of the sofa. She knew Dean called him "Cas," but she preferred his real name, the lilt at the end of it. Not that she'd gotten Dean to say either version of his name very often; after her curiosity got the better of her and she finally asked Dean just who was that friend of his she'd met that day at the bus station she'd gotten a curt story about divine intervention and the varying levels of dickery found in angels. When Lisa hadn't known how to respond to that Dean had taken it as a sign that the conversation was over and poured himself a double of whiskey, the same way he had when she'd made the mistake of mentioning Sam and his father. 

And now she had an angel of the Lord sitting on her coffee table. "You look better than you did the last time I saw you."

Lisa thought the man who'd kissed her in that bus station would have smiled at that. She wondered what had happened in the months between. "That was a very difficult day." His brow furrowed just the slightest amount. "How is he?"

As if that was such a simple question. "He has nightmares. He drinks more than I'd like. He won't talk about anything that happened before he showed up at my door." He nodded once, as if that was about what he'd expected. "It's better now than it was in the first few days."

As if to prove her wrong Dean twitched in his sleep, his hand clenching into a fist as he hitched in that first, sharp breath that Lisa knew always came before the really bad ones. Before he could spiral farther Castiel pressed two fingers against his forehead and Dean quieted, sinking back into deep sleep. 

"Wish you'd been around a few nights ago."

Castiel glanced up at her, giving her a good look at the circles under his eyes before going back to studying Dean like he expected to be tested on this later. "I'd hoped he would be happy here."

"I hope he can be, too. We're working on it." She sat up on the arm of the sofa and brushed her fingertips against Dean's hair. "It doesn't happen by wishing really hard, unfortunately. It would be nice, don't get me wrong, but it's usually not that easy." 

"I've received several lessons in the folly of wishful thinking since meeting Dean," Castiel said, nodding again once.

Lisa stared him down until he met her gaze. "Castiel, what happened to Sam? Dean won't tell me anything."

He looked away. "Sam is lost." He let out a soft, bitter breath. "I wish Dean had told me what would happen. I might have been able to do things differently."

She wondered what it was about the two of them that made them so allergic to straight answers. "I still have your hospital bracelet," she said, choosing to lighten the mood instead of asking more questions that would only get her riddles in return. "I found it in my bag the other day."

Castiel did almost smile at that. "Because you never throw anything away. Because of your grandmother."

Lisa felt herself sit up straight; granted, that was all true but she knew they'd never had that conversation. 

Or at the very least, Lisa thought to herself, they hadn't yet. "Why are you here? And don't say it's for old times' sake." He glanced up at her again, a quick, guilty look. "Don't get me wrong, I'd be more than happy to set another plate at the table but I doubt you dropped by from Heaven because you got a sudden craving for my turkey burgers."

"They are very good."

"Don't change the subject." She didn't know how her life had gotten to the point where she was sassing angels, but here she was.

At any rate, he didn't seem offended; his eyes took on a faraway look and she didn't miss the way his fingers curled tight around the edge of the table. "I've found myself at a crossroads." Lisa sat herself more comfortably on the arm of the chair, letting him find his words. "The situation in Heaven is much worse than I could have imagined. What I'd thought would be a quick conflict is on the verge of erupting into civil war and if it does I can't be sure it will end with me standing on the winning side." 

"That seems pretty straightforward to me." 

Castiel lowered his gaze. "I'm considering making an alliance. One that could give me the power to win the war but would require...regrettable things. Potentially many regrettable things." He looked back at Dean, his hands tight enough now on the table that Lisa could see white in his knuckles. "At the same time I've just discovered how to accomplish something I'd thought would be impossible. If I do go through with the proposed alliance that would have to be pushed back, perhaps indefinitely. Perhaps too late to do it properly. The time frame I'd need to be successful is very small."

"So it's either say yes to this alliance or do this...whatever this is you just found out you can do."

"That would be an accurate summary."

Lisa couldn't put off asking the obvious question. "Why come here and tell me all this?"

"You've given me good counsel before." For some reason that made his lip curl up."Although the choice would probably be simpler if I hadn't taken your advice then. I feel like I should be able to commit to the logical choice in front of me but something holds me back. I have very few people in my life I can trust to give me unbiased advice." He gave her an almost guilty look. "I miss the days when I was happy to have people tell me what to do."

"I think we all have those days sometimes." Lisa raked one hand through her hair; Heavenly civil wars were a higher caliber of problem than she knew what to do with; suddenly her waffling over whether to paint the living room was too petty to ever think about again. "My great uncle on my mother's side was the most pessimistic man alive. He was like if someone took one of those spoofs of fatalistic old Russians you see in movies and made them real, only with more profanity, and when I was six he sat me down and told me that if I always expected the worst from everyone and everything I'd never be disappointed." 

"I take it from your tone that isn't appropriate."

"It was one of the more exciting Christmases, I'll give you that. I'm editing out some language." She'd never seen anyone turn as bright a red as her mother had when she'd repeated that sage advice over dessert, faithfully remembering every exciting R-rated word. "Anyway, he also told me that the best way to decide between two bad choices – and I'm editing there, too – was to decide which worst case scenario you hated more. So how about it?" she said, waiting for his gaze to flick back up to her. "If you _don't_ go through with this alliance, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

"Raphael will rule Heaven and restart the Apocalypse. And if he can't manage that, he'll console himself with boiling the planet in a rain of sulfur and acid until nothing higher than bacteria can thrive here."

"Oh." She was suddenly almost overwhelmed by the need to drive down to Ben's school and hug him until he couldn't breathe. "Is...is that an _unlikely_ worst-case---"

"No."

She was definitely signing Ben out early today. "So. If that's true why are you having such a hard time deciding?"

"I...." She saw the muscle in his jaw clench tight. "I don't understand," he said, a defeated tone creeping into his voice. "My choice should be clear. I don't know why I'm having trouble committing to the path." His lips curled into a snarl. "There are times I dearly wish I hadn't made that miscalculation and landed here. It's complicated everything."

Someday the two of them would manage to have a conversation without pieces missing. "So what's the worst case for door number two?"

His brows furrowed for a moment. "I assume you mean the other choice. Failure. Death. Quite possibly worse than death, and leaving Earth to Raphael's mercy." He let out a long breath. "But not pursuing that avenue carries its own regrets."

Lisa reached over to pull the afghan tangled around Dean's legs up over his shoulders. "Which regret is bigger? The one where you go through with it or the one where you don't?"

Lisa watched him watch Dean sleep for a few long, silent moments. "Thank you," he finally said, his voice very soft. "I hadn't considered it that way before."

There was a finality in his voice that sent alarm up Lisa's spine. "Stay for dinner," she said, the words rushing out. "Ben and Dean both eat like ravenous wolves but I'm sure we could beat them back long enough to save one burger for you."

"I don't think that's a very good idea."

"I think Dean needs every friend he can have."

"I'm not sure Dean even considers me a friend anymore."

Lisa wondered if she should say that Sam wasn't the only person Dean had nightmares about. Before she could find the right words Castiel said, "But I would like him to."

"Then stay."

"I can't."

"Why _not_?"

"Because I know I didn't." He looked up at her again. "This is the third time now you've shown me the means to get to where I needed to go."

Lisa only counted two, but she supposed that was something to look forward to. "I think you owe me something, don't you?"

That at least made his lips quirk up. "Fulfilling that promise before you've bound me to it would be no more valid now than it was in the bus station."

Lisa supposed that did make a certain amount of frustrating sense. "I will hold you to it, though."

He looked up at that, the intensity in those blue eyes almost pinning her down to the sofa. "Do that." Then he was off in a flutter of wings, quickly enough that Lisa barely had time to blink. She stayed still for a few seconds, as if that would call him back, fear curling in her stomach like a swarm of snakes. Then Dean began to stir and she eased herself on top of him, watching his eyes slowly blink open. 

"Hey," he said, his lips curling up. "You should wake me up like this all the time."

"Don't get used to it," she said, giving him a teasing kiss anyway. "How about we pick up Ben early and we all go out to that new pizza place you wanted to try?" 

"Yeah? The place you said looked like they served grease with a side order of grease?"

And the way he said it made it sound like a plus. "Yep. That one."

"Cool." He trailed his hands up her arms. "Hey, you okay? What got into you? Not that I'm complaining."

Lisa chewed the inside of her lip. _Well, your angel friend came by and I think I talked him into doing something really stupid and also the world might be ending._ "I just feel like all of us going out somewhere tonight."

"Sounds good by me." Dean slid his hands up under her blouse, that same sly smile that had charmed her into his car so many years ago on his face. "We gotta leave right away?" he whispered into her ear.

She returned the smile, quieting the fear by giving him a slow, lingering kiss. "I think we can work something out."


	3. Chapter 3

Lisa wondered if Castiel just had some kind of grudge against groceries; she'd just managed to kick the door closed behind her when he _appeared_ barely a foot in front of her, swaying on his feet. There wasn't the instant recognition she remembered from the first two times; instead he tilted his head to the side, blinking at her like he couldn't make his eyes focus. "You...I think I know you...." he said, bracing one hand on the sofa as he kept swaying like he was on the deck of a ship. "You...dreams." He shook his head to clear it, looking around the room. "This isn't the right time at all, is it?"

And with that his legs buckled under him and Lisa dropped her grocery bag all over the floor to catch him before he could concuss himself against her coffee table. Up close she could see that his dress shirt was spotted with dried blood and just as she got her arms around him he fell into a convulsive coughing fit, leading to more blood dripping down from his lips. "Oh," he said when he brushed his fingers against his lips and saw the blood. "I wish that would stop happening."

Then his eyes rolled back and he went limp, almost dragging her down to the floor too. She managed to heave him over to the sofa and stretched him out before he started to stir again. "Shh," she said, putting one hand on his chest to steady him as his eyes snapped back open and darted around the room in a panic. "You're okay, you're okay." His breathing slowly eased as he stared at her. "What happened?"

"I was in the seventies," he said, as if that was a perfectly reasonable answer. He started coughing again and she fished some tissues out of her pocket to wipe the blood from his face. "Time travel never used to be this arduous."

"Whatever you say," she said, sliding a pillow under his back to prop him up. "What happened? What's the last thing you remember?"

"My brother coming to kill me." His words were still slurring together and Lisa pressed one hand against his forehead. "I felt his presence, couldn't...couldn't take my time. Escaped blind." His eyes started to flutter even as he tried to push himself back up. "I have to try again...waiting for me, I can't...."

Lisa pushed him back down to the sofa. "Yeah, I don't think you're going anywhere right now." 

She heard her phone ring and picked it up when she saw Dean's name blinking on the screen. "Hey, Lise, I'm gonna be back late, someone just brought in a...."

"I think you should come home now."

"What? Why? What's going on?"

She just put her phone to Castiel's ear. "Say hi."

"Hello, Dean," he said, the most chagrined expression on his face she'd ever seen in her life.

She put the phone on speaker. "He said he came here from the seventies."

"Oh. Huh. How's he look?"

"Coughing up blood."

"Yeah, that happened then, too. Shit." She could hear people talking to him in the background, Dean muffling the phone as he answered back. "Okay, I can't skip out right away but I'll be there soon as I can. Don't tell him too much, okay?" 

Lisa didn't answer that Dean would have to start talking to her about what had happened before she could tell anyone else. He hung up, leaving Castiel and Lisa to stare at each other. "Is Dean on a hunt?"  
he asked, a wary tone to his voice.

"No, he's at work. He doesn't do that anymore."

Castiel nodded, his lips pressed into a tight line. "Why isn't Sam with him?"

At least that question she could answer honestly. "I don't know. I wish I did."

***

Dean didn't come home at all that night, which if Lisa was honest with herself she should have expected. He'd had that Tone in his voice, the one he used when he was telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. If he had so much trouble just talking about what had happened a year ago she shouldn't have been surprised that he'd have trouble walking in and seeing the past lying on the living room sofa. 

It stung, though, and as she sat up with Castiel that night watching bad TV and explaining what a shamwow was and why the pitchman was so excited about it she could see it twist inside Castiel like a corkscrew. "Is Dean angry with me?" 

Lisa gave up on regular TV and started scrolling through to see if they'd saved anything interesting on the DVR. "I don't know. I don't think so. I think it's easier for him to pretend nothing happened than to deal with what did. Whatever that was."

"Perhaps I never make it back. Or I died and Dean's worried he'll say something to change the past."

"That doesn't sound like Dean."

"No. It doesn't." His eyes unfocused for a moment and for a second Lisa thought he was going to pass out again. "I can't touch his dreams," he said, frustration edging his voice.

"I wouldn't let him know you're doing that."

His head tilted again in that confused bird expression. "He's never asked me to not." He slouched against the sofa, looking for all the world like Ben in the middle of a determined sulk. "But now he's imbibing to block me." 

"Dean drinks. I wouldn't take it personally."

"I can tell the difference."

"Okay, then. Maybe he knows you'd snoop and doesn't want you to know something before you have to."

He lowered his gaze. "I suppose that could be true." 

He looked so miserable Lisa went over to the closet and found an old quilt to throw over him. "My great-great grandmother started sewing that on the trip here from Europe. Try not to bleed on it, it's hard to get out." He looked so embarrassed about being so miserable Lisa felt bad about teasing him. "Sorry. I'm teasing, don't worry about it, Ben used to insist on sleeping under that every night when he was little so it's no stranger to stains."

"It's very well made," he said, and Lisa got to file "watch an angel snuggle under an heirloom quilt" to her mental list of things she never thought she would get to see. 

"My aunt gave it to me when she moved down south. My whole family knows I never throw anything away. I still have every test Ben's ever brought home, even the bad ones." _Especially_ the bad ones, nothing like a little evidence to back her up when she said his grades needed to go up or there'd be consequences.

"Dean's rarely sentimental about material things, except perhaps his car."

"I've been a pack rat forever. My mom says it started when my grandmother died, that holding onto everything was how I dealt with it. I still have the ballerina music box she gave me for my third birthday."

"Were the two of you close?"

Lisa pulled her knees up to her chest. "I just barely remember her, really. The accident happened the day after I turned three, and hardly anyone remembers anything from that far back. We look like we were in my mom's pictures."

"What kind of accident?"

"A car accident. She had a heart attack behind the wheel and drove off the road. I was so lucky; I was sitting in the front seat and the police found me afterward waiting by the side of the road, holding my little music box. The car caught fire and I walked away without a scratch on me. My mom always said it was a miracle. I dream about it sometimes. The accident," she said, tapping her fingernail against the arm of the chair. "Not the whole thing, just me sitting in my grandmother's car watching the cows graze in the field alongside the road, and then the dream always just stops. I don't even know if it's a real memory or just something I made up because I heard the story so many times." He started coughing again and she handed him the box of tissues. "You want some tea?"

She liked the way his brow furrowed when he didn't know what to say. "I don't know if I've ever had tea."

"Trust me, this is the perfect time for tea. You sound like you need all the lemon and honey in the world right now." By the time she came back with big mugs for both of them he was staring in befuddlement at an old episode of _Project Runway_.

"I don't understand what's happening on this program."

"They have to make clothes out of candy," she said, pressing the mug into his hands.

"Why?"

"Because it's the annual silly gimmick episode." She sat back down in her chair and took a sip of her own. "Okay, now it's my turn to ask personal questions," she said, making it clear in her tone that she wasn't at all offended by his asking.

"If you like," he said, his brow furrowing in that cute confused expression again.

She gave him a second to get comfortable before ambushing him. "Are you sleeping with Dean?" He choked on his tea and Lisa made very sure not to laugh. "I'm not mad if you are, I'm just wondering."

"No," he said, looking flabbergasted she'd even suggested it.

"Okay, okay, don't get upset. I was wondering."

" _Why_ were you wondering?"

"Honestly? I've known a few people over the years who didn't really get how to be friends with people without all that tension and and I had kind of pegged Dean as one of them. He doesn't talk about people he knows all that often but when he does they're always women he's been with or older guys who hung around with his father. He's not really a hang out with the guys type." She took another sip of her tea and let that settle in. "He dreams about you sometimes. For a while I thought 'Cas' was a woman's name but I found out I was wrong. I'm surprised you didn't know that."

"I don't _always_ listen to his dreams." Apparently being angel of the Lord did nothing to stop someone from blushing bright red. "And Dean doesn't feel that way about me."

"If you say so."

"His...energies of that nature are directed toward women," he insisted some more, as if she hadn't said anything.

"I can't help noticing that you're only going around denying that _Dean_ could ever feel that way." Castiel didn't meet her eyes and she felt instant remorse for teasing him. "Oh, sweetie," she said, feeling absurdly like all the times she'd talked her girlfriends through a hopeless crush. "Tell him so you can stop torturing yourself." 

"There's no point. If my vessel were more to his...his tastes, perhaps."

"I've seen him check out guys, so I'm sure your vessel or whatever that means is to his 'taste.' He tries to be slick about it but he really isn't. And he has major league crush on this actor on this terrible medical show he keeps trying to get me to watch." She knew she should feel guilty for enjoying watching him squirm this much but really, when was she going to get another chance? "Why are you so sure?"

He lowered his eyes again, the most mortified being on the planet. "I was facing a very dangerous battle in the morning, against an archangel who far outmatched me. In conversation Dean discovered that I had never...indulged in the pleasures of the flesh," he said, glancing up at her.

Lisa knew Dean well enough to imagine how _that_ conversation had gone. "So what did he do?"

"He took me to a den of inequity."

Lisa had take a big sip of tea to keep from bursting out laughing. "He took you to a brothel?"

"Yes."

"So what happened?"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Oh, honey. No one's that inexperienced."

"We didn't get that far. I said something to offend the woman and we had to leave. Dean did still seem to enjoy himself though," he said, as if there had been that silver lining, at least. He stared back down into his cooling tea. "On the car ride back there was a moment where...Dean pulled over and we sat by the side of the road for a while before continuing on. I think if he was so inclined toward me something would have happened then."

To Lisa all that sounded like was Dean losing his nerve. "You should have kissed him first and gotten it out of the way."

"It's too late for that now."

"Says the time traveler."

"It doesn't quite work that way," he said softly. He drummed his fingers against the side of the mug for a few moments. "Wouldn't you be angry if I had? I thought you and Dean were joined. Objections to that kind of indiscretion seems to be common among human couples."

"If I wanted a white picket fence relationship I wouldn't be with Dean Winchester. And besides, I think we both know Dean needs all the love he can possibly get." There was no possible way to argue with that and Lisa was glad to see he didn't try. "Besides, it would be fun to watch," she said, putting a leer into her voice to lighten the mood. "And I bet you're a great kisser."

"I certainly wouldn't know. Why would you think that?"

_Because a while into your future you're going to kiss me right out of my shoes in a Louisiana bus station._ "Just a good feeling." She put the cup on the table and walked over to him, straightening the quilt around his shoulders. "Do you want to see if I'm right?" Before he could properly figure out an answer to that she bent down and kissed him lightly on the lips and _God_ , had she been right that he was someone who'd needed to be kissed; his lips parted under hers and he leaned up into it, as desperate and needy as a drowning man reaching for air. When she finally pulled back all she could see was wide blue eyes and flushed lips and didn't know what was _wrong_ with Dean that he'd had that right in front of him and never done anything about it. "See? Told you." 

He nodded, like he wasn't sure what to say and really, really hoped that was right. "I did like that."

"Good." She kissed his forehead before taking his empty mug and taking it back to the kitchen. "I'm heading upstairs for the night. Don't you dare fly off before saying goodbye."

He shook his head. "I don't think I'll be strong enough yet by morning."

"I'm sorry you feel bad but not sorry you'll stick around. Ben's at camp so the house gets pretty quiet," she said, ruffling his hair. "And I'm very sure Dean won't be able to hide out forever."

***

Dean finally did wander back home shortly after noon, looking as hung over as Lisa had ever seen him and holding a bouquet of roadside roses and a six-pack of microbrew, his usual "Yeah, I know, I fucked up," peace offering. He pulled up short when he saw Castiel still occupying the sofa and Lisa saw conflicted emotions flit across his face, first frustration at Castiel being there and then relief, she guessed at not having missed him after all and finally outright confusion. Which Lisa both understood and had to muster all of her willpower not to laugh at, because he'd walked in to find Castiel swaddled in an old quilt, sipping at a bowl of soup and staring transfixed at the TV as he and Lisa powered through a month's worth of recorded soap operas. "Hey, Lisa, Cas," he said, giving her a _What the hell?_ look. 

"Hello, Dean," Castiel answered, not taking his eyes from the screen. "Lisa, I thought these two were siblings."

"Oh, they are," she said, grinning back at Dean. "They just don't know it yet, their father's keeping that a secret."

"You're right, I'd forgotten about the blackmail plot."

"I don't blame you, the last few episodes have been all about the dumb teen romance story, it happens every year."

"Are they supposed to be teenagers?" he said, sounding astonished. "I thought I was better at judging human ages."

"Badly cast teenagers, anyway." She nodded to Dean, who still looked like he was tempted to walk back outside and come back in to see if things would make sense. "Have a seat, we'll catch you up."

"Think I'll pass, thanks," he said, looking back and forth at them like he was trying to figure out which of them was crazier. "Didn't expect you two to get so chummy so quick."

"Don't be jealous."

"I'm not...what?"

Lisa grinned. "I'm teasing you, babe. We've been bonding."

"Can you bond with my friends without wussing them up?"

"This program is actually quite violent," Castiel chimed in, seconds before an extremely well timed mysterious shooting. "And full of vice and the comeuppance of sinners. It reminds me of the morality plays humans performed in Europe a few centuries ago." 

"You sound way too happy about sinners getting their comeuppance, Cas," Dean said as he rolled his eyes, but there was an affectionate indulgence behind the words Lisa hoped Castiel hadn't missed. "You guys...do whatever it is you're doing, I'm gonna see if I can finish off that transmission thing today." 

He disappeared through the door to the garage, still shaking his head and Lisa couldn't help rolling her eyes. "No one who likes _Dr. Sexy_ as much as he does should so much as _think_ about sniffing at soaps." She glanced back at Castiel, who suddenly looked like the most miserable thing in the world. "You see? I told you he still thinks you're his friend."

Castiel kept staring after Dean. "I did manage to hear a fragment of a dream early this morning."

That didn't sound good at all. "What did you find out?"

"Something I'd expected. I regret having learned it."

"Okay. So now you know...whatever it is you know. What're you going to do about it?"

"There's nothing to do."

Lisa was honestly at the point where she was tempted to lock them both in a closet like characters on a bad sitcom. "Talk to him. Don't chicken out again."

"I've never chickened out," he said, frowning enough that she suspected he wasn't quite sure what that meant but knew it was insulting. 

"My show's on and I'm not arguing. I'm just telling you that you're not allowed to fly out of my house without at least trying." And with that she deliberately turned her attention away to let him stew.

***

A few hours later Lisa started lugging a pile of clothes down to the laundry room when she lingered by the cracked open garage door; she was always happy to put off doing laundry for any reason and getting to spy on Dean sweaty and working on his car was one of the better distractions she could think of. The garage was packed with the Impala squeezed in there but he'd hauled it out of storage while he tried to figure out what was wrong with it, not trusting anyone else to touch his baby. She thought she might be jealous if she hadn't spent so much happy time in its backseat.

She was about to tear herself away to go back to being a responsible adult when she heard that sound of wings beating; before she could blink she saw Castiel standing right there behind Dean, his hands clenched into tight fists at his side. "We need to talk, Dean," he said, suddenly enough that Dean almost banged his head on the Impala's open hood in surprise. 

"We got nothing to talk about," he said, closing the hood carefully.

"I overheard your dream this morning," Castiel said, and Lisa saw Dean's expression turn guarded. "The one where you were speaking to Sam. What did you mean when you told him you would 'trade for you in a second'?" 

Lisa pressed one hand to her mouth and Dean looked stricken, something he quickly buried under anger. "Don't eavesdrop if you don't want to find stuff out."

"Where _is_ Sam?" Castiel asked, his voice soft and defeated.

"Doesn't matter. I can't tell you anyway, it hasn't happened for you yet, it'll just mess everything up."

"Since when did you care about that?"

"Quit talking to me about this, Cas."

Lisa saw Castiel's shoulders slump as Dean turned his attention back to the car. "I would trade places with Sam if I could, whatever's happened."

"Yeah, well, that's really not true."

Castiel looked like he'd been slapped. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know, probably 'cause I live in reality. You won't, that's it."

"I can't do anything if you don't give me any information...."

"And I'm going to keep on not telling you a damn thing because I promised my brother I wouldn't do anything stupid and I'm not breaking my word, Cas, not for anyone and definitely not for you."

Lisa winced at the utterly destroyed look on Castiel's face. "What did I do to make you so angry with me?"

Dean's lips curled into an ugly smirk. "Nothing, Cas. Kind of the problem." She could see Castiel finally on the edge of losing his temper but as he started to turn away Dean grabbed his arm. "Cas, look, what you heard...just 'cause I dreamed that doesn't mean I'd do it, okay? My head's a fucked up place at the best of times."

Castiel looked like he believed exactly none of that. "I was so relieved to come here and have confirmation you don't say yes to Michael. Now I feel like I can't trust anything."

"Never said I didn't say yes. Never said anything one way or the other."

"Do I not make it back? I that why you feel like I abandoned you?"

"I'm not _telling you anything_ , Cas."

Lisa supposed it was inevitable, this was was the longest Castiel had been on his feet since he'd practically crash landed in her living room but as Dean turned away to bring an end to the conversation she saw Castiel start to sway. He braced one hand against the Impala's fender and fumbled the other one toward Dean, not quite managing to reach him before his knees buckled. Dean noticed at the last possible moment and lunged to catch him, just grabbing him under his shoulders. "Whoa, easy, Cas, easy." He hauled him back up and leaned him against the car. "I thought your tank was back to full."

"Clearly not."

Dean tipped his chin up, trying to look into his eyes. "This time travel shit really takes it out of you, huh?"

"Perhaps Michael's attack damaged me more than I'd thought."

Lisa wasn't really sure what that meant but it certainly seemed to scare the hell out of Dean. "What do you mean? When did he get his hands on you?"

"When he...." He got shaky on his feet again and Dean held him up. Lisa didn't think anything brought out the best in Dean like someone who needed to be taken care of. "When he burned Anna," Castiel finally continued, his voice barely audible. "He made the attack echo. I think he intended it to be a warning."

"That's not how any of us wanted that to go down, Cas, you gotta know that." 

"Do I make it back to that motel room? At least tell me that much."

Dean shook his head. "Can't tell you anything, Cas. You gotta know that, too."

Castiel just stared at Dean for a few endless moments, long enough that Lisa felt the tension coil around her and she wasn't even in the room. "C'mon," she whispered. "C'mon, this is your chance, don't blow it."

While she doubted he heard her he did take her advice; as Dean started to step away Castiel leaned forward and kissed Dean on the lips, pulling Dean back against him. It didn't last as long as the windswept kiss he'd planted on her at the bus station but when Dean came up for air she could see it had just as much of an effect. "The hell, Cas?" Dean said, sounding like he was doubting his senses. 

"I seem to have very little to lose at the moment," he said, a hard, despairing edge to his voice. He tried to shake Dean off but Dean wouldn't let him go. "If you don't want me to trouble you anymore I'll...."

"You are the dumbest son of a bitch in the world sometimes," he said, kissing him hard enough to press him back against the car and Lisa dearly loved being right. And Dean seemed to think they'd wasted enough time; in seconds he had Castiel's trenchcoat and suit jacket on the floor and was starting in on his shirt buttons, like if he didn't get those clothes off immediately he was going to wake up to find this had been a particularly cruel dream. Castiel moaned as Dean kissed down his chest before all but ripping the shirt off of him.

Castiel leaned back, and Lisa didn't know if he was _intentionally_ draping himself all over the hood of Dean's car but Dean let out of strangled little moan of appreciation that immediately went to the top Lisa's list of favorite sounds ever. "Jesus, Cas," he said, pulling off his own shirt and trailing one hand down his body. "Like the way you look there." 

Castiel's tie was still looped around his neck and Dean used it pull him up into another kiss. She could just barely make out Dean tell him, "Let's see how you look in the backseat," before she eased the door closed; she could only bring herself to abuse her "I own the house" privileges for so long.

Besides, she'd just have to get the full report later. 

A few hours later she found Castiel sitting on the sofa, looking better than he had in days and more than a little starry-eyed. She leaned over the back of the sofa suddenly enough that he jumped in surprise. "Wasn't sure you were still here."

"I thought you'd be upset if I left without a word."

Lisa couldn't help grinning. "I told you." He blushed red and she didn't even try not to laugh. "I think the next time I see you you owe me at _least_ a really nice kiss." The words slipped out before Lisa even realized what she was saying. 

He turned and looked at her like she'd just asked him to swear a solemn vow. "You have my word." 

And with that he was gone with just that quick flutter of wings to mark his departure. Lisa shook her head and made her way upstairs, where she found Dean just coming out of the bathroom wearing a fresh set of clothes with his hair still damp. "Mmm," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You smell nice."

"I manage that sometimes. Cas head out?"

"Fluttered off a few minutes ago. Did you two work things out?"

"Much as we're going to. Think I managed to not wreck time. Hoping, anyway."

"Mm hmm," she said, kissing the curve of his neck. "So, how _did_ he look in your backseat?"

She was just _amazing_ at making hot men blush today. "You are such a snoop."

"If it helps, I wasn't _trying_ to snoop. You left the door open."

Dean rubbed one hand over his face, leaning against the wall and looking like he was giving serious thought to jumping out the window. She didn't let him pull away and just stood there until he could manage to put words together again. "You cool with that? I mean, really?" he said, still not quite looking at her.

"Yes, because I historically have such problems with the idea of you sleeping with beautiful men. That sounds like me. I didn't ask for that for my birthday at all. And that is totally back on the table, by the way."

"Thought you were kidding about that."

"Only if you were kidding about asking my friend who used to be a showgirl in Vegas to join us for yours." She slid one hand past his waist band. "I am a little put out you didn't invite me to watch. Very, very selfish."

"Well, y'know. Cas' first time. Wanted to make sure it was special."

"Uh huh. Be honest, how long have you wanted to do that?"

Dean just grinned at that, refusing to implicate himself. "You're a pretty awesome chick, you know that?"

"I manage that sometimes. So," she said, nibbling on his ear, "since we've established how selfish you are, I think the only way to make up for it is for us to go upstairs while you tell me everything that happened in excruciating detail."

She felt those expert hands of his slide up under her blouse and unhook her bra faster than she'd ever learned to do it. "What's wrong with my backseat, since I have the car here? Good enough for angels of the Lord, y'know."

Lisa really wasn't sure if she believed in marriage but she'd never wanted to marry anyone more than Dean Winchester right then. "No reason we can't do both."


	4. Chapter 4

Lisa had no idea who could be ringing her doorbell at ten at night on a weekday. "Babe?" she said, promising that if this was someone selling _anything_ she was going to get one of Dean's fancy knives. _Two_ knives if it was someone from the PTA again. "You didn't order Chinese without telling me, did you?"

"Not tonight." Which she supposed explained why he was in her kitchen making a truly terrifying sandwich.

She steeled herself for ordering whoever it was out there to get the hell off her porch, taking a fortifying sip of wine before opening the door.

The glass fell from her hand completely forgotten when she saw Sam Winchester filling up her doorway. "Lisa? Hey," he said, leaning against the door like he didn't trust his legs to hold him up. "I...I don't know how I got here."

"Dean!" she shouted over her shoulder. "Dean, get out here now." 

"Dean's here?"

"Of course Dean's here, come on, come on, get in here," she said, coaxing him inside. He stumbled over the doorway and she grabbed his arm. "Easy, easy, watch the glass. Please don't fall, I can't hold you up."

"I'm okay," he said, which was a complete lie but he was giving staying on his feet his best shot. 

"Lise? What's up? Who was at the...." Dean stopped stock still in the middle of the room, like this was an illusion he thought would break if he moved. "Sammy?"

Lisa didn't think she'd ever seen two happier people in her life. "You did what I asked you to do."

She stepped back as Dean enveloped Sam in an enormous hug. "Promised you I would, didn't I?" 

Lisa helped him get Sam over to the sofa; she heard Ben come galloping down the stairs and looked up."Mom? What's going on...Sam!" 

"Baby, go find the nice duvet and put it on the bed in the guest room, okay?"

"But...."

She gave him her best _do it_ look and he finally rolled his eyes and obeyed; the last thing Sam and Dean needed was dealing with anyone else, no matter how friendly the face. 

Dean finished sitting Sam down, who looked like he would be happy to pass out right there. "Dude, what happened?" he said as Lisa sat herself in the chair next to them.

"I don't know. I wish I did. The last thing I remember is being in Stull, then I'm jumping into that hole...and that's it. The next thing I knew I was standing on the porch. Everything between is a blank." 

"I mean...how do you feel? No hitchhikers?"

Lisa had no idea what that meant but Sam shook his head. "No. No, he's...I don't know, he's wherever he is. I feel fine. Tired. Really tired."

"C'mon, then," she said. "Up to the guest room with you." Dean was shaking so hard Lisa didn't think much of his chances of handling the stairs so she helped Sam up, giving Dean a _stay there, I have this_ gesture. She managed to get Sam into the bedroom without any catastrophes and he collapsed on the bed, asleep before he even took off his shoes. She wrapped the duvet around him and crept back down the stairs, handing Dean a beer before sitting next to him. "He's fast asleep."

"My brother's okay," he said, holding the bottle like he'd forgotten what to do with it.

Lisa kissed his temple. "Now you're both okay."

He kissed her hard, pressing her back against the sofa. "Why, though? Good stuff just doesn't happen, Lise, it doesn't. Not to us."

"You'll find out. You will, but don't worry about it now. For once just be happy for five seconds, okay?"

Dean nodded, wrapping his arms around her.

***

Sam slept for two solid days until finally even Dean decided enough was enough. "C'mon, Sammy, up and at 'em. We gotta get you out of these clothes before you start getting rank. Lisa was even nice enough to go to the store for giants to get you some new duds." Sam grumbled and tried to bury his head under the pillow. "It's been two days, Sam. Get up or I'm gonna drag you to the hospital." 

Lisa thought that was probably a lie but Sam seemed to think it was a plausible enough threat to turn over, taking two tries to sit up. She put the clothes bag on the floor as Dean continued waking Sam up. "You need a hand?"

"Nah, I've been getting this idiot dressed since I was four, I can do this in my sleep," he said, starting to tug off Sam's shirt. Lisa had just turned away to go back downstairs and start dinner when she heard Dean suck in a horrified breath. "Oh, _**fuck**_."

She turned to see Dean stagger back two steps and suddenly she could hear every word of that strange conversation she'd had with Castiel about regrets while Dean slept in vivid detail.

Against the side of Sam's chest like a brand was the raised impression of a hand print. Sam's eyes were wide with horror and Dean's hands curled into fists at his side, fury coming from him in waves. "Son of a bitch. The _stupid_ son of a bitch. Swear to God, if there's anything left of him I'm gonna kill him myself."

***

Dean spent the rest of that day and most of the next trying to contact Castiel any way he could, from praying to compulsively dialing his phone in every church and graveyard and anywhere else he thought might give the call an edge to come through to finally shouting challenges and profanity at the sky. He got worked up to the point that Sam tried to calm him down, telling Lisa he was worried some less friendly angels (which to hear the two of them talk sounded like all of them) might come down to investigate but nothing happened. No angels appeared in balls of fire, no one worried about Castiel came down to find out what they knew. The sky was quiet and the world kept on spinning and it made Lisa so angry she couldn't put words to it. Someone besides them should be looking but whatever choice Castiel had made, he seemed to be alone in it. 

Since wishful thinking seemed to be a lost cause Sam and Dean gave her and Ben a crash course in summoning rituals. Ben took to it like he'd been born to it, which terrified her more than she could say but she had to put that aside. She told herself that at least she'd finally found a way to get him to study; by the end of the week he was almost as proficient with the basic rituals as Sam, reading Latin like an old pro.

But nothing worked. Not the basic ones they let Ben help with while she looked on and not the dangerous ones they had to do alone in empty fields under full moons, armed with relics they'd had to drive all night to find, and with every failure she saw guilt turn the two of them inside out a little more. 

Not that she didn't understand the feeling herself. One day Dean kicked the door open and all but threw Sam inside before storming upstairs; Sam's eye was swollen and as Lisa sat him down to put ice on it he told her Dean was upset because he'd gone to a crossroad – "Just for information."

That didn't seem to have worked either. "And you still don't remember anything?" she asked, helping him position the ice pack.

"Nothing. It's all still just a black hole. Cas must have done that on purpose, something must have happened he doesn't want me to remember." 

Lisa sat in the chair opposite him, drumming her fingers against the kitchen table. "Maybe we should do something about that."

***

"Lisa, I don't know about this," Dean said, fidgeting in his seat at the table. "Last time we let a psychic anywhere near Cas bad stuff happened."

"Dean, for the last time, Holly's not a _psychic_ , she's a licensed hypno-therapist," she said, sending an apologetic look to her friend sitting at the table opposite Sam. "And she specializes in repressed memories, she can help. Stop treating this like it's hocus pocus."

"I'd like it better if it was hocus pocus," he muttered back. "I _trust_ hocus pocus."

"Lisa, it's okay," Holly said, looking first at her and then at Sam, who was looking more nervous by the second. "There's a lot of misinformation out there about hypnotism. Half of my clients come into my office thinking I'm going to make them cluck like chickens." She put a metronome on the table and started it rocking back and forth, provoking another scoff from Dean, which Holly completely ignored. "All right Sam, all hypnotism really means is a way to relax your mind. Memories are always there, just sometimes trauma can block the pathways we need to retrieve them. We're going to try to quiet some of your mind's defense mechanisms so we can unblock those pathways, all right? It's okay if it doesn't work the first time, it usually takes more than one session." Sam nodded and she folded her hands against the table. "Good. Now focus on the movement of the metronome. Shut out out everything except that and my voice." Sam nodded again and after a minute Lisa could see him visibly relax.

"You're doing very well. Now I'm going to count backwards from ten-" Lisa had to give Dean a warning look not to openly scoff again – "and then I'm going to ask you some questions. When I do I want you to say the first thought that comes into your mind, all right? Whatever it is. Even if it doesn't make sense to you. Do you understand?" 

Sam nodded again, relaxing some more, and Holly began counting. When she reached one she said, "All right, Sam. Go back to standing on Lisa's front porch. What did you just finish doing?"

"I..." His forehead crinkled as he thought. "I was in a cemetery. I jumped."

"Go back to the porch. How did you get there?"

"I...it's just me jumping, I don't...."

"Breathe. Go back to standing on the porch," she said, and Lisa saw Sam nod. "Whenever you feel blocked, that's where I want you to go." He nodded again, letting out a deep breath. "What did you do before you stepped onto the porch?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. It's just black."

"Go back." She gave him time to get back in the moment. "What's the last thing that happened before you stepped onto the porch?"

Lisa felt a _force_ press her back into her chair; when she opened her eyes she found herself in a dark tunnel, the walls glowing and oozing like they were inside a volcano and the heat of the place making her skin feel like it was about to blister. She saw Castiel in front of her, blood streaming down his face. "Sam, I said _go_ ," he growled out, shoving her forward and Lisa realized this was what they'd been looking for. "I'm right behind you, stop turning---" 

He _screamed_ as he jerked backward, almost coming off his feet as something pulled him further back into the darkness. "Cas!" she heard Sam's voice cry out, feeling herself skid to a stop.

"Keep going, don't stop for me."

"Cas, I'm not leaving you here."

"They have me tethered," he spit out. "It took too long to separate the two of you, I knew it would. There's nothing else you can do, _go_." He let out another muffled groan and Lisa saw shadowy wings on the wall behind him, barely visible in the dim light and one of them twisted and broken.

"Cas, _no_."

"It's all right," he said, smiling despite the blood coming from his nose and mouth now, too. "I know I made the correct choice." He pressed one hand against her chest, the heat from the contact spreading through her. "That's your key. The door locks behind you." He turned around to face the light filling the tunnel like an oncoming train. "Go, Sam. I'll hold them off. I'll hold them all off." 

Lisa felt herself jolt back to awareness like she'd been thrown from a moving car. She looked around the table and could tell at a glance _everyone_ had felt that; Sam was staring blankly ahead, his own hand pressed against the handprint branded into his chest and Dean was pale as a ghost, his eyes wet and his hands curled into tight fists. "Stupid son of a bitch," he whispered, his voice shaking. "I told him I hadn't meant that, I _told_ him."

"He said he could hold them off," Sam said, pure desperation in his voice. "Maybe...."

"No way," Dean said, shaking his head. "That's the exact same thing he told me right before Raphael blew him apart all over Chuck's fucking living room. And there's two of them now, he knew it was a done deal then and he knew it was the same thing all over, that's why he said it."

"I think we're done here," Holly said, reminding Lisa that she was still there. She stood up so quickly the chair tipped over and she didn't so much as attempt to pick it up before backing out of the room. "No charge. Lisa, Dylan and I will see you and Ben at practice, okay?"

Lisa didn't even watch her leave. "What do we do now, Dean?"

"Nothing to do. This is why none of the summonings worked, there was nothing left to summon."

"You sound like you want him to be dead," Sam said.

"Better that than trapped with Michael and Lucifer after busting you out, hell yeah. Damn right I hope they killed him quick." Dean stood up, waving off any attempt to come near him before anyone could so much as move. "I'm going out. I gotta...I don't know. I'll be back later." 

The door slammed behind him and Lisa and Sam shared a _look_. "Follow him," she said.

Sam nodded. "I'm just giving him a head start." He shook his head, rubbing his chest. "I knew I'd have to make Dean promise not to do anything stupid but I never thought I'd have to worry about Cas doing it instead." 

"It's not your fault," she said. Mostly because she believed to the core of her being that it was hers. "If there's a way we'll find it. Now go find Dean and make sure he gets home."

Sam nodded, grabbing his jacket and heading out.

Lisa sat in the dark room for the next few hours, trying to replay every word she'd ever heard Castiel say. There was something she was missing, some key, some code phrase one of them hadn't recognized at the time and that would be their way out.

There had to be.

***

Lisa watched the cows grazing in the farmland lining the side of the highway and drummed her heels against the car seat. They were going to get ice cream. _Birthday_ ice cream. That was always the best kind of ice cream. And she was going to show the Dairy Queen lady her pretty music box and her grandmother let her ride in the front seat when her mom never let her do that because it wasn't safe. This was going to be the super best ice cream ever.

Lisa never recognized the accident dream as a dream when she was having it. It was a loose loop of memory that played a few times a year, a few minutes of her life she could just barely remember. The dream always ended just as they took the turn to merge onto the entrance ramp of the highway and then she would just wake up. 

Except this time they reached the turn and the dream kept going. They pulled into the left lane of the highway, the fast lane, and Lisa had just opened the lid of her music box to watch the ballerina dance when she heard her grandmother make a sound. She looked up and saw her grandmother make a little breathy gasp for air and then slump over the wheel, her eyes fluttering closed. "Gamma?" she said as the car slowly started to veer off the road. "Are...are you okay?"

There was no answer and Lisa held on as the car jostled her almost out of the seat as they drove past the shoulder. "Gamma wake up, the car is broken." She screamed and squeezed her eyes shut as the car started barreling down the hill, heading right for two big trees with a house behind them. "Gamma!"

When she opened her eyes again she found herself standing by the side of the road right by that curve. She could see smoke starting to coil up from the side of the hill and turned away, hugging her music box against her chest and almost bumping into the man kneeling beside her. "Hello, Lisa," he said, his voice deep and scratchy; he was wearing a long coat even though it was the middle of summer and his brow furrowed when he looked at her. "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head and backed away. "I'm not 'sposed to talk to strangers."

"That seems very sensible." 

He had very, very blue eyes. Lisa had never seen anyone with such blue eyes, like he was from a storybook. "Is my Gamma okay? We were getting ice cream."

He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry. You'll see her again but not for a very long time. You're going to have to be very brave about that." Lisa nodded, hugging her music box again. "The police will be here soon. I need you to stay right here and wait for them, all right? They'll take you home."

Lisa nodded again, sniffling, and he crouched closer. "Someone told me once you never throw anything away, not anything precious. Is that true?" Lisa just shrugged. She didn't have much but she didn't think she'd ever thrown anything away. "I need you to keep something safe for me. Something very precious," he said, pressing a small object into her hand. "Will you do that?"

She felt his hand shaking and squeezed her hand around his fingers. "Are you cold? You're all shivery."

"I'm about to do something that makes me very afraid."

"Big people don't get scared."

"Everyone is afraid sometimes." He kissed her forehead very gently. "Thank you."

Lisa jolted awake covered in sweat, her heart pounding so hard she felt lightheaded. She sat on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands as she shook. 

She'd always had a weakness for a man with pretty eyes. 

"Dean," she said, shaking him awake. "Dean, get up." It took a few minutes but he finally blinked at her, bleary-eyed and hung over. "Get _up_. Get everyone up," she said, feeling adrenaline start to flow through her veins. "I know what we have to do."

***

Lisa didn't know how she'd ever accumulated so much stuff. They were only halfway through sorting through the storage unit, it was already midday and Lisa was starting to lose faith. Just because she never parted with anything didn't mean her mother was the same way and she hadn't seen that music box in decades. It could have been absently-mindedly tossed out at any time before she'd finally moved everything out of her parents' old house, just one more unlabeled box in the the attic sold at a garage sale or even put out on the curb. 

"Lise, tell me again what I'm looking for."

"It's a square music box, you opened it up and a ballerina spun around to Swan Lake. It should be with all my old stuff, we should have found it by now---"

"Mom! Mom, I think I found something!" She rushed over to find Ben lugging a box labeled "Lisa's Baby Things" from under a box of old records and a pile of college textbooks. Lisa gave him a quick hug and sat cross-legged as she rummaged through the box, pulling out a baby blanket and a car seat and her mother's baby book before finding a box wrapped in paper at the very bottom. Dean came over to look over her shoulder as she unwrapped the box and sat it in her lap, Sam and Ben crowding next to her. "What is it?" Dean said. "Why'd you bring us all the way out here to find this?"

Lisa opened the lid, not answering. She heard Dean gasp when she moved aside some old birthday cards and plastic jewelry to pull out a single, long black feather. As they all watched it hovered over her palm, shining and iridescent in the cheap florescent lights. "Lise, where did you get that?" 

She felt her heart drum against her chest as the feather began to slowly spin in the air like a compass needle. "Oh, you know me Dean," she said as it settled on pointing west, pulsing with soft while light. "Once someone gives me something I can never throw it away."


	5. Chapter 5

The feather kept pointing west and they kept following it, veering off highways and once off the road entirely as the tip of the feather dipped and moved and pulled them along. It led them to an empty field in Iowa, the four of them ducking under fences as they trudged across abandoned farmland, the feather glowing brighter the closer they drew to wherever it was leading them. Finally they came to a seemingly unremarkable spot where the feather began to spin above Lisa's palm. "I think this is it."

"Why here?" Dean said, helping Sam set up equipment for the strongest summoning ritual any of them had been able to find. "Why the hell would Cas drag us out to Iowa?"

Lisa remembered that desperate meeting in that terrible bus station. "Maybe he just really likes coming to find you in Iowa."

Dean shook his head. "At least he won't have to take a bus this time. Sam! We ready?"

"As we're going to be," Sam said, wiping his hands on his jeans. "I don't think we're gonna get more than one shot at this."

"Let's make it count, then." He nodded to Sam and the two of them opened identical grimoires, each of them alternating reading. As the spell built in power Lisa felt the energy charge through the air, sending static electricity sparking across her hair. The sky first turned overcast and then dark as the middle of an eclipse, strange colored lightning zigzagging across the clouds. The feather over her hand began spinning faster, until finally by the climax of the ritual it looked like a whirling black blur. Dean said the last word and lightning struck barely feet from them; on pure instinct she moved Ben beside her, as if that was in any way safer, and watched the feather begin to glow again, brighter and brighter until she could barely look at it. The ground began to shake under them, violently enough that Dean went down to one knee and Sam went off his feet entirely. 

Then the glow sputtered. The sky cleared and the charge went out of the air; the ground stopped shaking and Lisa watched in horror as the feather stopped floating, drifting back into her palm and resting there like any ordinary feather. "What's going on?" Dean said, panic edging his voice. "Where is he? Why'd it all stop?"

"I don't think it worked," Sam said, swearing under his breath. "Or at least not well enough to crack the Cage, anyway, if that's even where he is."

"So we'll try it again."

"We _can't_. That ritual's one shot, we both know that."

Dean sat on the ground with his head in his hands, a constant litany of _fuck, fuck **fuck**_ under his breath. "I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true."

"No." Lisa held the feather in one fist. "No, this is going to work." She grabbed Dean's arm and pulled him over to her, squeezing his hand tight. She held the feather up in front of her eyes; it was already beginning to look ragged around the edges, like it was aging as she watched. "You listen to me," she said, wondering if she was imagining that it felt warmer. "You owe me a kiss. You told me to hold you to that promise and I'm doing that now. You do _not_ get to break that promise now, you understand? We came a long way to find you and we're here waiting. I am _holding_ you to that." 

For another few moments nothing happened, the seconds ticking away as they all waited, Lisa squeezing Dean's hand so hard her own ached.

Then the feather began to glow. Very faintly at first, just around the edges, but before long the light began to pulse again, even brighter than before. The feather burned so hot Lisa had to drop it and they all began to back away as the light began to build, growing in mass until it spread across the entire field in a glowing sea so large none of them could see the end of it. Just as they were almost out of space to back away the light collapsed back in on itself with an audible whoosh, like air rushing in to fill a vacuum.

They all rushed forward to see the light coiling in on itself, too bright to look at directly. If Lisa squinted she could just see a human shape lying in the swirling light, more distinct each second, then with a sudden crack like thunder the light sucked in to form a naked man lying face down in the scorched grass. The light continued to swirl around him, forming a dark suit and battered trenchcoat and a ruffled head of dark hair until all that was left arced above him to form enormous, delicate wings that flickered in the air for a few seconds before disappearing.

Dean shook off the shock first and rushed over, everyone else close behind. Castiel was lying so still that until Dean turned him over Lisa wasn't sure if he was even breathing. "Cas!" he said, cradling Castiel's head. "Cas, wake up, man. Come on. Come on, breathe."

As if to obey the command Castiel heaved in an enormous breath, his eyes fluttering. When his eyes finally cracked open Lisa didn't think she'd ever seen a more beautiful thing in her life. "Hello, Dean," he whispered.

Dean pulled him up into a hug so tight it looked painful. "You ever scare me like that again I will kill you myself, I swear to God." Then Dean kissed him right there in the grass like he never planned to do anything else ever again.

She heard Sam make a surprised noise and Lisa grinned at him. "They do that."

"Huh," Sam said. "'Bout time." 

"At least you didn't have to get a whole talk about it," Ben said. 

"Ouch."

"Yeah, seriously."

Dean finally came up for air and Castiel blinked at him for a few moments, as if he couldn't believe what he was looking at. "Where's Lisa?" he finally said, looking around as he tried to sit up. "I believe I owe her something."

"Right here," she said, kneeling next to him. "Make it good," she teased.

He nodded, studying her face for a moment, then he leaned in for a soft, gentle kiss that had all the promise in the world wrapped in it. When he pulled away he looked between her and Dean. "Can we please go home now?"

"You got it, Cas," Dean said, his voice shaking. "Come on, I gotcha," he said, pulling Castiel to his feet and holding him up when his legs gave out. "We're all gonna go home."

***

It took almost a week for Castiel to regain the strength for so much as a conversation, but once he felt up to it they all piled into Dean and Ben's favorite burger joint as they tried to figure out what came next. "Raphael can't be allowed to hold Heaven," he said, ignoring Dean stealing his fries. "There are still some angels loyal to me but many who would have fought by my side will see my abdication of leadership as treason. We may have to fight both sides, and many who have no interest in assassinating me have gone into hiding rather than face Raphael. His side is strong and the opposition is scattered."

"So everyone hates us and we're on our own," Dean cut in. "What else is new?"

"This is on a different scale."

"Last time was the Apocalypse. This is like the knock off sequel. Not that impressed."

Castiel just gave him a _will you let me finish_ look. "I just want to make it clear how dangerous this is. Anyone who stands with me will be hunted," he said, glancing around the table.

"Lisa," Dean said, squeezing her hand. "You and Ben want to back out, now's the time. No one's gonna blame you, least of all me."

Ben gave her a begging look Lisa didn't acknowledge as she looked around the room. She knew the smart thing to do would be to back away now, go back to her normal life and put Ben through college and never look back.

Except that she knew down to her bones that if she let Dean and Castiel walk out her front door now she'd never see them again. She'd spend the next however many years waiting for the world to end, not knowing where they were or if either of them were alive. Ben would never forgive her. 

And after having Castiel and Dean finally with her together for the first time that night after the miracle in Iowa Lisa didn't ever want to go back to sleeping in an empty bed.. "We're family," she said, the most terrifying words she'd ever said. "We're all in this together now." 

"Awesome, Mom."

"You're not a Hunter and you're going to college."

Castiel looked around the table again, then let out a soft breath. "I have a plan. Or at least the first stage of one, but it's dangerous."

"What else is new?" Dean said, his eyes bright and alive the way Lisa had never seen before. Only he could see jumping into a celestial civil war as a reason for hope, and Lisa supposed it was infectious because she was beginning to feel it, too. He gave her hand a quick squeeze, that reckless Winchester grin on his face as he surveyed the table. "Let's hear the plan. We have a war to finish."


End file.
